A very sad week for the Daniels family

Sorry I haven't written in some time, I just haven't been up to it. In my 38th week, reality kicked in and made my pregnancy seem so unimportant in the big picture of life. On Monday 8th May we had a phone call from South Africa to inform us that Terry, my father in law had been killed in a car crash. Words can not explain how this made me feel, shock was the only thing I could feel. My colleagues were great, Paul got me in a cab and sent me home to Clinton, who was looking after our girls, Danny and Ellie. My mum came and picked up the kids from Clinton, leaving just Erin fast asleep and unware of what was happening around her. When I arrived Clinton was just silent. He wasn't talking about how he felt or expressing any emotion. I just hugged him and just stayed with him whilst he phoned around the world letting his relations know this terrible news. Its times like this that the grapevine does work. We told Pete the news and he then informed a number of close friends, this was great because Clinton received many texts and calls from people around him that really care and want to support him in times like this.

The next few days were just very odd, lots of questions, some left unanswered, about Terrys terrible death. He was involved in a car crash with a lorry on the main road into Capetown. The coroners report said he had a heart attack, which then caused the crash. They say he was dead before impact, however this still hasn't been confirmed in Clinton mind. I do not think the reality has hit him yet, the reality that he will never see his dad again. It is hard when you don't have regular contact with someone on a daily basis, when you don't see or hear from them day to day, it makes it hard to believe that a relationship is over. Feelings of guilt also set in, guilt that we should have made more regular contact, more phone calls and visits but we can't turn back the clock, we can't change the past, only make things better for the future. I know how hard it will be when we go to South Africa and the big friendly giant isn't there to give us a hug, to make Clinton laugh, to reminisce about rugby and entertain us with his humor. This is when Clinton will morn his father.

Clinton thought long and hard about flying to South Africa, the decision was hard because I am 38 weeks pregnant and he just didn't want to miss the birth of his child and leave me alone. This in itself brought me back to reality, I didn't think he would have responded like that and found comfort in his words. The funeral was on Friday 12th. Clintons Granny Sheila flew down with her step son Michael, Des and Julia drove down from Welcom, Clintons godfather managed to get there too. Schelton (Clintons step brother) and Ursula were strong and held things together for everyone. Noleen (Clintons stepmother) and Lianne (his half sister) stayed with Schelton during those difficult days, I can not think how horrid it must have been. Selfishly all I keep thinking is how I would have been if I had lost my lovely Dad.

Clinton wrote his feelings down, I think this showed his family far more feelings than actually being at the funeral, it shows how he would like to remember his dad.

Dad

Sorry I couldn't be there today. I am where you would want me to be, in London looking after Eve and the kids and waiting on the arrival of your fourth grandchild who is due this week.

I remember standing outside Cape Town airport 2 years ago on my way back home to London. We gave each other a big hug and both burst out crying much to the discomfort of onlookers. Although I believe that two good looking, big 6 foot 2 men hugging in Cape Town is quite normal these days. It reminded me that you are my dad, I am your son, we love each each other and that's all that matters.

I'm not going to stress what a great man you are because I know you are and so does everyone else. Instead I am going to remember the thing that sticks out most in my mind about your personality, your laugh. Even a bad joke was funny when you laughed. What a great laugh you had and you laughed a lot which made me smile and that's how I will remember you.

We never did find out who could drink the most beer in a night. I think we ran out of beer and time. Things don't often finish the way we want and there is never enough time to say and do the things we want. So next year in France when I watch the Bokke beat the Poms in the world cup I will have a good few beers and laugh a lot with you.

Don't worry about Noleen shes in good hands. We know how much you loved her and we will make sure she sees your grandchildren grow.

Always

Clinton, Eve, Megan, Erin and Bump
xxxxx